5 Keys to Understanding Beef on a Deeper Level

1. Amy (Ali Wong) and Danny (Steven Yeun) are Unstable

This show starts with road rage, especially one where the parties involved are committed to pissing off one another. Both drivers passed their rage to strangers or third parties. It’s some sort of neuroticism. When people are so deeply frustrated with the outcome of their lives, they face constant anger, disillusion, disappointment, and stress. However, dealing with baggage as big as that is incredibly difficult. Therefore, people who face this sort of mental instability tend to disregard their emotional discomfort towards other people, they try to look for someone to blame instead of themselves. They also try to pass on their pain to someone else as if they could avoid feeling those emotions, but really, they’re distracting themselves and ultimately getting involved in bigger problems that worsen their feelings.

What is neuroticism?

According to Britannica Encyclopedia

Neuroticism, in psychology and development, a broad personality trait dimension representing the degree to which a person experiences the world as distressing, threatening, and unsafe. Each individual can be positioned somewhere on this personality dimension between extreme poles: perfect emotional stability versus complete emotional chaos (Weed, N. C. ; Kwon, Sangil.).

2. Women doubting themselves

Another way of dealing with disappointment with the outcome of our lives or the sentiment of emptiness and dissatisfaction is by pushing ourselves to the limit, working all day, and trying to be perfect just to quiet those thoughts of not feeling enough. How do these emotions present in women? A lot of women in the workforce deal with two professions: their work life and motherhood. Many women are working as full-time moms as well as full-time employees or business owners. Even though they are succeeding at it, society’s judgments are constant, especially if they are not spending time with their kids 24/7 or making their children their only focus. Even if people around them keep things to themselves, they have grown up in a misogynistic society with patriarchal ideals, so many of them end up judging themselves as if they are not good enough.

A perfect example is Amy, she wants to retire and spend time with her daughter, June. We can tell she cares about her daughter and is involved in her life physically and emotionally, but she still doesn’t feel enough. She wants to be the perfect business owner, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the perfect woman; but can anyone be perfect? Can anyone bear the pressure of trying to be perfect? No one can deal with expectations as big as that forever and people who are so hard on themselves, like Amy, eventually break. They need comfort, affection, love, attention, and support from others. Looking for others to satisfy those needs is crucial because people who are so hard on themselves can hardly give themselves the kindness they need. However, they also feel like others will not satisfy their needs, no one can give them what they need to silence aggressive or impatient thoughts because what they deeply need is self-acceptance. Once they quiet those judgments, they will most likely feel better. For example, in episode two at the chair exposition while fighting about the gun Amy got out of the safe, Amy says to George: That house that I don’t even get to enjoy because I’m always busy working. When do I get to enjoy something, huh? Who’s gonna buy Amy something? Amy is. Amy is gonna buy Amy something.

3. Identity Crisis

Our main characters Amy and Danny are deeply troubled with the outcome of their lives. Danny seems to recognize this feeling because he is struggling financially, constantly fighting with his brother and cousin, he doesn’t feel like he has achieved success because he has been trying to buy a house for his parents to bring them back to the United States but hasn’t achieved it. On the other hand, Amy doesn’t look like she’s aware of the dissatisfaction with the outcome of her life, she is reactive and explosive at times, but she doesn’t know why. In a way, she represses her emotions. She probably thinks she should feel happy and completely satisfied because she managed to grow her wealth and she has her family. They have this beautiful house she worked so hard to build and decorate and she has an upcoming business offer that might allow her to retire and dedicate her time entirely to her relatives, but that’s not enough for her. She blames herself for feeling like that; as if she shouldn’t have those sentiments.

This also leads to another question. What does success mean? Or what takes us to be successful? In general, we are taught to perceive success as fame and wealth. If we were to look at Amy’s life superficially, we could jump to conclusions and say she enjoys her achievements, but does she really? I can’t tell you what success is, but I can tell you what I think it is. I believe its meaning is completely subjective and depends on what each of us considers important. The only thing I can tell you is my definition of success. Keep in mind I am only 22 and even though I’ve faced some traumatic experiences, my perception of success might change in a couple of years, if not decades.

To me, success is being able to enjoy most of our days and our time. It’s having the luxury of experiencing joy and satisfaction for most of our lives. To have those experiences, we must be mentally stable. In a sense, success also represents emotional stability and sanity. Having dealt with anxiety and depression for so long, I truly wish one day I might have the capacity of managing and face my emotions in a healthier way. Once one is mentally stable, one can even face misfortunes in a better way and tolerate frustration without taking it out on others or self-sabotage. Think about it: sometimes without the capacity to cope healthily, humans try to deal with frustration, disappointment, and sadness through drugs, alcohol, arguments, fights, violence, and in the case of this show, ROAD RAGE. Unfortunately, those defense mechanisms only worsen our symptoms, we end up involved in more problems and ultimately make our lives harder.

The interesting part of the show is how it introduces us to a man, who is struggling, and a woman, who apparently has it all, yet they’re both miserable. It might also be an invitation to question our beliefs regarding success. Lastly, self-acceptance can also be a sign of success. Being able to accept our essence, our way of being, our desires, and our modus operandi (if it’s healthy and functional) might lead us to have a more pleasurable life.

4. Mid-life Crisis

I believe one of the reasons Amy and Danny keep struggling to accept their reality, their life, and their feelings is that they don’t entirely know themselves. Understandably, our entire lives are a journey of getting to know ourselves, and maybe our protagonists are facing a mid-life crisis. A time when people rethink their ambitions, desires, and priorities.

“A midlife crisis is a period or phase of life transition when a person begins to question the things that they have accomplished or achieved and whether those same things still provide a sense of fulfillment and meaning,” says Michael G. Wetter, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist practicing in Los Angeles. If not, a person may begin to question what can bring meaning and fulfillment to the later part of their life that may be missing or unexplored, he adds (Wetter in Simon, 2023).

This questioning may lead to an abrupt change in occupation, commitment to relationships, or hobby exploration, says Dr. Wetter, but it may also include more impulsive behaviors and actions, such as risky spending habits and health concerns (Wetter in Simon, 2023).

The risky habits Amy is taking are getting involved in road rage, taking out the gun from the safe and playing with it, getting involved sexually and romantically with Paul, and starting a feud with Danny looking to destroy his life. Danny’s risky habits are getting involved in road rage, stealing money from the church, stealing money from his cousin, snitching on his cousin, and starting a feud with Amy looking to destroy her life.

Amy’s signs of exploring new things that might bring a sense of fulfillment include trying to sell her company to eventually retire, becoming friends with Naomi and Jordan, and becoming a full-time mom. For example, when she says I expected this little child to make me whole. On the contrary, Danny’s signs of exploring his fulfillment include bringing his parents back to the United States and getting in touch with God. Danny tries to steal money from the church, but while spending time with everyone at mass, he lets go while hearing the music. This meant he stopped repressing his emotions for that moment and embraced them, he reconnected with God and even got involved in the church and became one of the musicians and most present individuals in the group. He also tried to convince Paul to reconnect spiritually with God. Whether God exists or not, his image or presence offers a sense of comprehension as it allows humans to avoid feeling lonely or empty. For example, in episode 3: I am Inhabited by a Cry, Danny breaks down and starts crying in church and that makes me think that sometimes we feel in so much pain and so lost that we need help from a bigger, loving, and caring figure.

5. Love Emerges from Hate

They say that we dislike those that are like us because we may function like mirrors and see ourselves reflected in others or see what we don’t like about ourselves in others. I think this is the case for Amy and Danny. They hate each other to the bone, they are committed to hurting and damaging one another, moreover, they are very much alike. They are both dealing with the same issues. They have a realistic perspective of life, and perhaps that’s what’s making them feel unsatisfied but instead of becoming friends and supporting each other because they can understand one another, they impulsively fought trying to pass on the pain and the anger to the other to get rid of those emotions. As Alanis Morissette said, Isn’t it ironic? They tried feeling better by beefing with each other when they could’ve just made amends, become friends, and support one another to overcome their struggles and satisfy the need of feeling understood and cared for.

In the end, when they accidentally take poisonous berries and start hallucinating, Danny says, maybe we’re not normal, maybe we’re too fucked up. Then Amy answers, or maybe normal people are just delusional fucked up people. This an entire existential question, are Amy and Danny crazy and delusional and that’s why they are angry and dissatisfied? Or are Amy and Danny crazy because they are realists in a profoundly sick world, and they can see others looking for distractions, while they constantly and deliberately turn blind toward reality?

I think Danny and Amy are both realists who understand that life is much more complex than just having money and achieving your goals. They know they need more and want more. Their perspectives of reality are most likely distorted by their disappointment, yet that it stems from understanding life is not as exciting as the media and society try to tell us. The idea of being happy is probably an illusion and impossible. That’s why they understand each other and project onto one another because they are humans experiencing the same thing. After complicating things so much to the point they ended up in the hospital, they ultimately accept they can be supportive and friends and FINALLY hug.