The Underlying Message in Babygirl

“Babygirl” is a 2024 American erotic thriller directed by Halina Reijn. It stars Nicole Kidman as Romy Mathis, a high-powered CEO, and Harris Dickinson as Samuel, her young intern. Romy leads a seemingly perfect life with her husband, Jacob (Antonio Banderas), a theater director, and their two daughters. Despite her professional success, Romy feels unfulfilled in her personal life, particularly regarding her sexual desires. Herdissatisfaction seeks help through Samuel’s “dominatrix” flirtation, ending up in an affair. Their relationship is marked by intense and provocative encounters, with Samuel often assuming a dominant role, challenging traditional power dynamics. As the affair continues, Romy experiences a sexual awakening, leading her to question her marriage and personal boundaries. How secrecy in ‘Babygirl’ challenges Romy’s career and family dynamics.Samuel crosses certain boundaries by going to her house and meeting her family, and Romy’s assistant, Esme, finds out about the affair.

In the end, the affair reaches a tipping point when Romy tells her husband, Jacob, about the infidelity. This revelation forces Romy to confront the consequences of her actions and the underlying issues in her marriage. It mainly pushes her to accept the consequences of her initial desires and finally gets rid of the shame of her lust, giving in to the punishment she thought she deserved all along.  In the aftermath, Romy and Jacob decide to rekindle their relationship, exploring new dimensions of intimacy and understanding. Samuel exits their lives, accepting a new job in Japan.

“Babygirl” delves into themes of power, desire, and self-discovery through a provocative exploration of a woman’s journey through forbidden passions and the impact on her personal and professional life.

Although the movie is mainly about an affair and a dissatisfied woman who should feel plentiful, it talks about shame and sexual preferences. It explores kinks, feeling embarrassed of wanting an improved sexual life with your long-term partner, and the lack of knowledge on how to approach it. The bold message of ‘Babygirl’: Why women hide their sexual desires and the stigma around female lust. As women, we are educated in a way in which we shouldn’t engage in sex or desire it too much. We are expected to adapt to a man’s higher sexual drive whilst having little or none ourselves. However, women also have a high sex drive, especially during the ovulation period. So, why does female pleasure continue being taboo to the extent of women lying about feeling satisfied and hating themselves for wanting more or kinkier sex? Why are women expected to engage in sex until the man orgasms, but they aren’t? Even the lack of inquiry coming from men to make sure their partner orgasmed reveals how women’s pleasure is still disregarded in 2025.

Talking about an orgasm gap between men and women, we can read “The lifelong orgasm gap: exploring age’s impact on orgasm rates” in Sexual Medicine, Volume 12, Issue 3, June 2024, from Oxford Academic that age has a minimal impact on the orgasm gap. Men’s orgasms rate between 70% to 85% and women’s rate from 46% to 58%. Men reported orgasm rates between 22% and 30% higher than women. Sexual orientation, anatomy, the distance between the clitoris and the vagina, hormones, education, and culture have an impact on the orgasm gap. Although this gap is undeniable, the lack of conversation surrounding the issue makes it harder to solve. Romy is an example of someone dealing with such an issue and lacking any knowledge on how to navigate it. Hence, she gave in to her impulses completely ignoring the consequences it could have on her marriage and relationship with her daughters.  

At the end of the film, Romy continues her successful career, she transfers Samuel to another branch, her husband takes her back, their sex life improves and she has her first orgasm. Many viewers have judged the lack of consequences she faced, however, is it an unrealistic depiction? A lot of people cheat on their partners, a lot of people know their partners are cheating and they cheat as well, hence they end up in a non-previously discussed open relationship. I think it’s far more common than we’d like it to be. It may be disappointing for us helpless romantics, but the reality is humans get bored with routine sex. Humans want “fresh encounters”, they want more and new experiences. Many couples don’t have sex by the time they are older or years have passed since they first got together. In an interview for Interview Magazine, Halina Reijn mentioned how many married people lie about the number of times they have sex in a week because they want to show off as they’re ashamed of telling the truth. Considering this, it’s not an unrealistic depiction of the consequences of infidelity. People get away with cheating all the time, especially with their coworkers. It’s not entirely unfeasible that a woman CEO engages in the same toxic behaviors as her male counterparts. However, I would dare to say the problem is women get judged for it more than men, while men get celebrated by their peers. The amount of people walking out of theaters is impressive. Men have had infidelities for decades as well. Even the hit show “Mad Men” showed executives like Don Draper and Roger Sterling abusing their power to seduce their employees. Whereas female characters like Betty Draper and Megan Draper were expected to behave appropriately and conservatively. “Babygirl” goes on to explore how humans are not as monogamous naturally as we’d like. 

I’m not defending infidelity, even less if there are children involved. However, we should focus on the people who find it difficult to commit to a sexually and romantically monogamous relationship for decades. Why are we still hiding from that issue instead of starting a conversation about it? Many movie-goers are enjoying this movie for the kink and sexy Nicole Kidman and Harris Dickinson, but we should be focusing on the subtext. Breaking the silence -why women fear sharing their sexual fantasies.

The director’s approach to this theme is interesting considering she is from Amsterdam, a more liberal city than most American cities. Compared to Americans, Northern Europeans tend to be more liberal, especially Amsterdam with its bohemian culture and liberal politics. This is also why the movie is controversial because it was released in a market that holds more conservative views towards infidelity. Think about the amount of “Am I the Asshole” American podcasts surrounding infidelity. But how do Europeans view infidelity compared to Americans? 

According to Pew Research Center, adultery is unacceptable for 84% of Americans compared to 47% of the French. 40% of the French believe it’s not a moral issue, compared to 10% of Americans. But that’s not the only difference regarding sexuality and morality between Americans and Europeans. In a poll from 2016, the research center found that 30% of Americans consider sex between unmarried couples immoral, resulting significantly higher than the European poll made in 2013.